So I haven't posted in a WHILE! Ha, time got away from me.
I'll start at July 2012: My DH and I decided to take our TTC situation more seriously and went to my OB/GYN and discussed our options. Being diagnosed with severe PCOS she suggested taking Metformin and balancing my diet/exercise & stress levels then trying clomid. So, that's what I did.
Late July early August, I was giving Provera, a medicine to induce a menstrual cycle, took that for 10 days, waited 7-8 days for my period to arrive, waited 7-8 days for it to finish, then on days 5-9 of my period i started with 5 (50mg/each) tablets of Clomid. Had to have SI on days 12-18 then go for an US on day 24. US didn't show any follicles, so if by day 40 no period or + pregnancy test it was a complete failure and we would then have to follow the same schedule just upping my Clomid doses.
So having no luck with the first round @ 50mg, we tried 2 rounds of Clomid with 100mg and STILL nothing. Not even follicle appearances. I was devastated.
I feel like a complete failure as a wife and a woman. Why cant I do what every woman was made to do. Round 1 was late July/early August, Round 2 was September and round 3 was mid/late October. All three rounds were of no success, not even a little hint of moving forward.
We decided to take a break and rethink our options and the situation and enjoy the holidays and try not to stress about it.
I love Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years, spending time with family and friends. I had now become like the Grinch or Ebenezer Scrooge. I didn't want to do or go anywhere or anything. I didn't want to because I was tired of everyone asking me or my DH when we were going to start a family. If one more person asked I was going to say when we damn well feel like it because if i had to tell the truth, then I'd be compelled to give details and I cant stand to get those pity looks or the HORRIBLE response like: "everything happens for a reason", "it will happen when it's meant to happen", "you're young, you have plenty of time". I WANT TO SCREAM people! If people actually knew what I was thinking I'm sure i wouldn't have many family members talking to me.
Now that the new year is here, I'm hoping 2013 has some exciting surprises in store for us.
Keep Praying.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Up to speed and full steam ahead!
Its now the middle-end of July 2012 and things have just blown by in the past year. We'll be celebrating our 1 year Homeowner anniversary in September and alot of other changes have happened in this time.
Looking back.......
In Nov of 2011 we celebrated my 1st nephew's 1st birthday and his 2nd bday is right around the corner. I'm still in awe at how fast time flies. If it goes this fast with nephews/nieces I'm scared at how fast it will go with children of our own.
In April of 2012 my DH and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary.
In May 2012 I took a leap of faith and applied for a new job within the same organization.
June came and brought with it a new job for me :O and a brand new Niece! One of my best friends ( I consider her like a sister) had a beautiful little girl named Madison Sophia, so in my heart she is my Niece!
With Madison's arrival and my nephew Wesley in our lives, in my heart I knew that I was at the point where I really wanted to start trying for a child of our own. I love all of the children in our family and having our own children would never change that. I kept asking myself, if I love those little ones who aren't of my own flesh and blood so much, just think of how much I'd love our own children. My DH and I talked more about it and decided that we had done the things we talked about and were at a point where we are comfortable trying to start the journey to parenthood!! YAY!
I say we talked about trying and had discussed it between us and talked with my OB/GYN, but before we got married we knew the possibility of us conceiving naturally with no outside help would be slim to none but we didn't take any precautions to prevent it either. So, in my book we've been TTC for over 2 years on our own to no avail, but hopefully this Clomid cycle will change that! :)
Looking back.......
In Nov of 2011 we celebrated my 1st nephew's 1st birthday and his 2nd bday is right around the corner. I'm still in awe at how fast time flies. If it goes this fast with nephews/nieces I'm scared at how fast it will go with children of our own.
In April of 2012 my DH and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary.
In May 2012 I took a leap of faith and applied for a new job within the same organization.
June came and brought with it a new job for me :O and a brand new Niece! One of my best friends ( I consider her like a sister) had a beautiful little girl named Madison Sophia, so in my heart she is my Niece!
With Madison's arrival and my nephew Wesley in our lives, in my heart I knew that I was at the point where I really wanted to start trying for a child of our own. I love all of the children in our family and having our own children would never change that. I kept asking myself, if I love those little ones who aren't of my own flesh and blood so much, just think of how much I'd love our own children. My DH and I talked more about it and decided that we had done the things we talked about and were at a point where we are comfortable trying to start the journey to parenthood!! YAY!
I say we talked about trying and had discussed it between us and talked with my OB/GYN, but before we got married we knew the possibility of us conceiving naturally with no outside help would be slim to none but we didn't take any precautions to prevent it either. So, in my book we've been TTC for over 2 years on our own to no avail, but hopefully this Clomid cycle will change that! :)
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Preliminary Tests
June 2010
We decided at the end of June 2010 that we wanted to get some diagnostic tests done to see where we stood on the infertility issues so we made a appt for the ob/gyn for my annual tests and to talk babies. :)She decided that there was some preliminary tests that could be done to rule things out but that weren't too involved b/c we were'nt quite ready to commit to actively try for a baby. We had an U/S done in the office with a ton of lab work. I was their pin cushion that day!
Those came back and she wanted to do an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) to check my uterus and fallopian tubes for any blockages or any other issues. That came back good so she determined that it would be good for me to see an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) for some further testing to have a jumping off point when we were ready to start trying.
The RE ran the gamut of tests and confirmed I had PCOS (PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome) and further confirmed what my OB/GYN suspected that I am able to ovulate and everything is "normal" during that but my body is stubborn and doesnt want to release any eggs, thus the infirtility.
So, the next plan was when we were ready to start trying we would most likely be on Clomid, but in the mean time, they put me on Metformin, prenatal vitamins, and recommended I eat healthier, and try to exercise more.
We talked it over and decided we wanted to get a house and be a little more stable before really trying to have a baby.
1 year passes
August 2010-August 2011: My DH finished B.L.E.T and D.O.C classes and got a F/T job with the local Sheriffs dept and we were still looking for a house. I have my yearly at the OB/GYN and explain we're still not quite ready to try and everything is still the same, no changes even with loosing some weight, eating healthier and changing some lifestyle habits.September 2011- Our house prayers were answered and we bought out first home. We started talking about the possibility of babies again, but still wanted to get some things straight with the house and we put it off again. Several of our friends and family members were having babies and it really started to worry me that we would keep putting it off and time would get away from us and we'd be 40 and saying, oh let's have a baby. Now, there is NOTHING wrong with having a baby @ 40, it's just not what I wanted in my life-timeline.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Background Part 2
March 2009: After Shawn proposed alot of people went from asking "When are you getting engaged" to "when are you getting married" and some even asked, "after you get married when are you having babies". It was alot of questions but ones I had already been asking myself. Since learning at an early age I already had PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and would most likely have fertility issues, it scared me a little when one day I thought "what if we get married and can't get pregnant on our own".
April 2009: Being the worry wart that I am, I made an appt with the OB/GYN to ask questions, do the yearly exam etc.. I wanted to know how things had progressed and what we were looking at so Shawn and I could talk about it before getting further in the wedding planning. Granted, I knew no matter what the outcome that Shawn loves me unconditionally and that possibly facing infertility wouldnt change the way he felt. BUT, we had always talked about having our own children and I wanted him to know that I wasnt keeping any info from him or misleading him in anyway. So the appt comes and goes, I ask all my questions, she runs some tests and tells me she'll call me with the results. A week goes by and I get "the call". I was so upset.
The tests came back that my cysts had multiplied and that further testing would be needed before being able to really go in detail about what we were facing. She wanted us to talk it over decide where we stood and get back with her. Shawn and I talked and decided that we would keep planning the wedding, and after that then we would go from there, since we weren't at the point where we wanted to make any definitive plans for having a baby. One step at a time.... but all along, in the back of my mind I wondered if we'll get to have our own baby.
1 Year later:
Our wedding day came, April 3, 2010. It was everything that I dreamed of; everything that mattered came together beautifully, thanks to my amazing husband, wonderful parents, in laws and fabulous friends! We weren't even back from our Honeymoon when I got an email telling us congrats and wanting to know when we were going to start a family, lol!
We got back to our routine and it was the middle of June 2010 and I was out and about and saw this little girl. She was absolutely gorgeous! Porcelain skin, gorgeous red curly hair and brilliant blue eyes. My heart sank, I realized I had baby fever. I've always dreamed of having a little girl with curly red hair and blue eyes and seeing her just made me really want to know what I was going to face when we were ready to have a baby.
And so it begins.......
April 2009: Being the worry wart that I am, I made an appt with the OB/GYN to ask questions, do the yearly exam etc.. I wanted to know how things had progressed and what we were looking at so Shawn and I could talk about it before getting further in the wedding planning. Granted, I knew no matter what the outcome that Shawn loves me unconditionally and that possibly facing infertility wouldnt change the way he felt. BUT, we had always talked about having our own children and I wanted him to know that I wasnt keeping any info from him or misleading him in anyway. So the appt comes and goes, I ask all my questions, she runs some tests and tells me she'll call me with the results. A week goes by and I get "the call". I was so upset.
The tests came back that my cysts had multiplied and that further testing would be needed before being able to really go in detail about what we were facing. She wanted us to talk it over decide where we stood and get back with her. Shawn and I talked and decided that we would keep planning the wedding, and after that then we would go from there, since we weren't at the point where we wanted to make any definitive plans for having a baby. One step at a time.... but all along, in the back of my mind I wondered if we'll get to have our own baby.
1 Year later:
Our wedding day came, April 3, 2010. It was everything that I dreamed of; everything that mattered came together beautifully, thanks to my amazing husband, wonderful parents, in laws and fabulous friends! We weren't even back from our Honeymoon when I got an email telling us congrats and wanting to know when we were going to start a family, lol!
We got back to our routine and it was the middle of June 2010 and I was out and about and saw this little girl. She was absolutely gorgeous! Porcelain skin, gorgeous red curly hair and brilliant blue eyes. My heart sank, I realized I had baby fever. I've always dreamed of having a little girl with curly red hair and blue eyes and seeing her just made me really want to know what I was going to face when we were ready to have a baby.
And so it begins.......
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Background Part 1
Having been together for 9 years, we've naturally talked about what we'd want from each other as partners and for our future together, which for both of us included children. We talked about time frames and how many children but never felt concerned that it might not happen, until recently.
But first, the back story :)
Before we met: I never had a "normal" period. I got my first period in 7th grade (i was 12) and like most Sex Ed classes tell you, for the first little while they may not happen every month until your system regulates. Well that was all well and good but I would go several months in between. Going to the Dr's I was told this was normal and that if things didn't regulate by the time i was 15 to come back and they'd go from there. Well 15 years old rolls around things still aren't normal so i was referred to the OB/GYN. I was put on BC to "help regulate my cycle". I have to say I HATED BC b/c it made me feel horrible and I gained weight like it was going out of style.
Yearly check up at 16 and got the news that I had some cysts on my ovaries. That's a lot for a 16 year old to digest but was told that the cysts could come and go, probably b/c of the BC and may be the cause of my irregular, almost non-existent periods. I was told it's nothing to really worry about and we would keep an eye on it to keep my weight under control and trying to loose some weight might help jump start my periods naturally.
Enter Shawn: We met in February of 03' through Jess, a mutual friend; he was a HS Senior and I was a Junior. Looking back, we were both very level headed and mature for our age. We had already talked about our goals in the next 4 years which both included us graduating HS and going to college. Before officially deciding that we wanted to be exclusive, we had to have "THE Talk". It was a very nervous conversation on my part, not b/c i didn't want to tell him I was on BC, but because I didn't want to tell him WHY I was already on BC. He listened and was supportive and it was that summer following his graduation and me getting ready to go back to HS as a Senior for us to make it official that we were an item. My Senior year flew by and his first year in college did too. We were always talking about the future and dreaming about how we wanted things to turn out. We both agreed that we wanted to graduate high school (CHECK!) and College before getting married and then starting a family after a year or so. Even though some of our friends were already getting married and/or having children, we enjoyed their happy moments and I dreamed of ours :)
I finished college in 07' with an Associates degree and he was following shortly in 09' b/c he was getting a Bachelor's degree w/ a minor. So when I graduated College and knew he would be soon, I started really getting into the idea of getting engaged, having a decent engagement and getting married. In the back of my mind I always had a life plan schedule of getting married by 23 and start a family by 25. I was 21 when I graduated college so that was putting me somewhere on track for my imaginary life plan. We talked more about getting married and he surprised me in February of 09' by asking me to marry him. Of course I said YES!
Part 2 coming up!
But first, the back story :)
Before we met: I never had a "normal" period. I got my first period in 7th grade (i was 12) and like most Sex Ed classes tell you, for the first little while they may not happen every month until your system regulates. Well that was all well and good but I would go several months in between. Going to the Dr's I was told this was normal and that if things didn't regulate by the time i was 15 to come back and they'd go from there. Well 15 years old rolls around things still aren't normal so i was referred to the OB/GYN. I was put on BC to "help regulate my cycle". I have to say I HATED BC b/c it made me feel horrible and I gained weight like it was going out of style.
Yearly check up at 16 and got the news that I had some cysts on my ovaries. That's a lot for a 16 year old to digest but was told that the cysts could come and go, probably b/c of the BC and may be the cause of my irregular, almost non-existent periods. I was told it's nothing to really worry about and we would keep an eye on it to keep my weight under control and trying to loose some weight might help jump start my periods naturally.
Enter Shawn: We met in February of 03' through Jess, a mutual friend; he was a HS Senior and I was a Junior. Looking back, we were both very level headed and mature for our age. We had already talked about our goals in the next 4 years which both included us graduating HS and going to college. Before officially deciding that we wanted to be exclusive, we had to have "THE Talk". It was a very nervous conversation on my part, not b/c i didn't want to tell him I was on BC, but because I didn't want to tell him WHY I was already on BC. He listened and was supportive and it was that summer following his graduation and me getting ready to go back to HS as a Senior for us to make it official that we were an item. My Senior year flew by and his first year in college did too. We were always talking about the future and dreaming about how we wanted things to turn out. We both agreed that we wanted to graduate high school (CHECK!) and College before getting married and then starting a family after a year or so. Even though some of our friends were already getting married and/or having children, we enjoyed their happy moments and I dreamed of ours :)
I finished college in 07' with an Associates degree and he was following shortly in 09' b/c he was getting a Bachelor's degree w/ a minor. So when I graduated College and knew he would be soon, I started really getting into the idea of getting engaged, having a decent engagement and getting married. In the back of my mind I always had a life plan schedule of getting married by 23 and start a family by 25. I was 21 when I graduated college so that was putting me somewhere on track for my imaginary life plan. We talked more about getting married and he surprised me in February of 09' by asking me to marry him. Of course I said YES!
Part 2 coming up!
First things First!
First, let me say i'm new to blogging but it seems pretty simple, so here goes:I am starting my own blog for those of you who are searching for answers or info on infertility or are looking for those of us going through or have gone through the same thing as you. For the latter, I hope my experiences and info can help give you some form of comfort in a difficult time in your life as the blogs i've followed have helped me.
I am currently 25 years old, married to Shawn, a wonderful man who I know is my soul mate and we have one dog, Scout (Jack Russell mix).
This is Our Journey!
I am currently 25 years old, married to Shawn, a wonderful man who I know is my soul mate and we have one dog, Scout (Jack Russell mix).
This is Our Journey!
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